The Giant Abyss


A modest junk box

Image via Wikipedia

The giant abyss

By Joanie Buettgen

If you are like most people, you’re in your kitchen junk” drawer ten to twenty times a day.

I try not to open this compartment, it irritates me.

One day I decided to tackle this menacing monster. As I explored the terrain I felt like I was sinking into a dark abyss. I realized it had a mind of its own. I tried pulling out the debris and up came a mess that looked like a Velcro mobile.

In frustration, I slammed the door. It got its revenge by shifting off its track, then sat at an odd angle and glared at me.

I shouted for Mark, my carpenter/husband, to come and fix yet another household project. He always seems to be hard to find when I’m hollering for help. His departure this time signaled a mad dash for ice cream.

While waiting for him, I told myself, “It’s time to clean that, blankety, blank, drawer.”

Ladies, you know the problem we face. This once well-organized receptacle is a catch-all for our husband’s tools.

The question is, “What do I do with all the junk?”

After emptying the rubbish, a large pile sat on the counter. It stared at me like a lost child looking for a new home.

Feeling lost, I thought about going to the dentist for that root canal. But their line was busy.

I needed a break.

I started searching the Web for “storage solutions”.

Did you know that there are categories for: Bins-1,884 items, bulk containers-209 items, and accessories-568 items?

I felt like a contestant on an episode of Hoarders. One woman was on her cell phone, sitting lopsided on her disorganized stacks of stuff. You guessed it-she was ordering more storage containers that she’ll never use.

Then and there I knew I was not alone in my quest. Obviously, “storage solution” manufacturers know us women very well.

What women want and need is to be clutter free.

But we must be careful about what we toss.

That morning, I dug into the first layer of junk. I found nothing that belonged to me. I sorted through Mark’s wrenches, his new Stanley hammer and assorted rusty screws.

The second layer contained scratched safety glasses, bent fish hooks and a new wall plate cover.

I snuck into Mark’s man cave, and quickly threw his belongings on the table. Then, I tip toed out.

Now, when he asks, “Honey, where are my wrenches?”

I can just smirk and smile.

After I finished this project I became obsessed. I wanted and needed to clean out all of our stuffed closets.

Now I just had one problem…an empty kitchen drawer to fill up.

Joanie Buettgen is “Just another columnist trying out this new stuff.”

Published:, Café’ of Dreams,, Minnesota Moments Magazine,, Carver County Historical Society, Kansas City BBQ Society, Carver County News, National Barn Alliance, and Ridgeview Medical Center newsletter.

Memberships: National Society of Newspaper Columnists, Toastmaster’s, Minnesota Newspaper Association, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.

Social Networking: Blog:,, www.linkedin/com/in/joaniebuettgen.



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