Chocolate Orbs


Chocolate Orbs

By Joanie Buettgen

 Copyright 2011

Few things bother me, as much as my eyes. They’re small.

In magazines, I see gorgeous models painted to perfection. And I’ve noticed their look is almost, doe like. Their long lashes touch the top of their brows. Their almond shaped orbs sit perfectly spaced on their face. Their chestnut color is envious.

With this picture in my mind, I decided to invest in some new makeup to enhance my features. One day, I wandered into a store. I cruised up and down the aisles searching the vast of array of colors. I noticed many products which included a package of “Physician’s Formula Eyes.” I felt I needed a cosmetologist not a doctor to help me with this dilemma.

Even today’s Hollywood’s celebrities, like Drew Barrymore, are cashing in on the claim of a perfect set of “Smokey Eyes.” After my purchase of a complete set of sultry shades, I headed home.

As I sat on a chair, next to a sun-filled window, I thought I was ready to tackle this face. Then I turned over the shadow compartment, and read the application directions.

First step “Lid compartment.” Next, “crease compartment.” Finally, “brow compartment.” I fought this process. And wondered why I needed a diagram.

Then I checked the sales receipt and asked myself, “How much did I spend on this?” I thought about returning to the store. But they were closed.

I sat and starred at the plastic case. It included shades of light brown, dark brown, cream brown. I wondered how many of these were really necessary. The small sticker, on the package read, #401 Chocolate Mousse. I didn’t know if I should eat the shadow or try to apply it to my eye lid.

After flipping back and forth, I decided I needed to take the plunge, and try to start applying this makeup mess. Then I glanced over their blueprint diagram. They told me I would achieve a perfect application of shadow, and perfectly shaped “pencil thin” eyebrows. Again, I asked myself, “Did they lie to me, just to get me to buy their product?”

After the initial shock wore off, I looked into the magnifying mirror. I looked like a clown, with two black eyes.

I think I’ll go back to savoring my Valentine’s Day Godiva’s. I know they are perfect.

Just another columnist trying out this new stuff. Published:, Minnesota Moments Magazine,, Carver County Historical Society, Kansas City BBQ Society, Carver County News, National Barn Alliance, and Ridgeview Medical Center newsletter. Memberships: National Society of Newspaper Columnists, Toastmaster’s, Minnesota Newspaper Association, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop attendee. Social Networking: Blog:,, http://www.linkedin/com/in/joaniebuettgen.


2 responses »

  1. Smokey eyes are not achievable without a make-up artist. I tried and I need three hands, one to hold the lighted magnifying mirror, one to lift my eyebrow higher and another to swipe the color. Valentine’s Day Godivas–you are speaking my language!

  2. Oh no! This is why I stick to the minimalist look. They do lie to us. They use professional makeup artists, false eyelashes, photo retouching and so on. I think I’ll hire a whole team of cosmetic surgeons to make me look like that. On second thought – a 20 yr old face on top of a 65 yr old body would be funny as H—.

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