Just another day in paradise
By Joanie Buettgen
When human beings wake up early in the morning the last thing we need to think about is our hair, our wardrobe, our state of mine.
Today, mine looked like a train wreck.
At 6 a.m. before my first cup of coffee, my day decided to twist and turn. Soon, our neighborhood would be on full alert and even the town cup would get into the act.
We have a dog; for those that don’t your life is probably uneventful.
After the feeding our dog Jake, we always let him out to do his dirty work. Usually his business is short and sweet, not today.
As I opened the front door, I called to him, “C’mon Jake, time to come in.”
I sensed that something was wrong.
I walked onto the front porch and noticed the lead didn’t have a canine attached. Jake our lab had bolted again.
The anxiety level immediately set in, and you ask yourself, “Maybe he’s just out chasing rabbits or maybe, a psycho dog snatcher is on the loose.” The list started to mount and panic started to set in.
What does a person do first, when the pet wanders?
Your instinct is to change your morning attire. But time is of the essence so you opt out of that decision, and decide just to wing it. I was still in my stripped boxer p.j.’s, and a screaming pink tank top, no makeup on, and my bed hair had the one-sided look.
Then the hunt for Jake started.
To attract our dog to want to come to us we use scubbie snacks for our arsenal. With two treats in my monster green flowered coat I headed out the door. The question is, “Do I walk the neighborhood looking like a refugee, or do I take my chick truck and scour the neighborhood?” I decided to walk.
Cruising up one side of the street, then down four blocks I was hoping to see his butt end scurrying away from me-no such luck.
“Jake…Jake…Jake,” I yell out. Now, all of our neighbors start to yell back, “Sam, shut-up,” a neighbor screamed at his dog.
I stopped at the neighbors. They now have risen early because of my shouting. “Have you seen our dog, Jake? He’s off his lead…again.”
All of their responses were the same, “Nope, but we’ll sure keep an eye out for him.” These once friendly faces have now turned purple as they try to stop their dogs from their non-stop howling.
After walking a mile, I decided to do the mobile scouting in my chick truck. Cory, my son, joins in on the pursuit in his monster-size truck, this search continues for an hour.
Noticing the town cop on patrol, he asks if we need assistance.
“Have you seen our dog?” I ask, now near tears.
“No I haven’t. What’s your address and I’ll keep a lookout for him,” said the cop.
With a light smile, I thank him for his help and return to the patrolling.
I drive and then remember that the water heater repair man, Danny is coming over.
Scrambling back home, I notice two repair men in the driveway; suddenly they appear at my back door.
“What the heck, you said you’d call before coming,” I said.
“Well, we’re here, can we come in?” asked Danny.
Ok, men should never have to witness women in this state of disarray. Sheepishly, I told them, “C’mon in guys…don’t look at me I’ve just been out trying to find our lost dog.”
These two guys looked at me, said nothing, and headed down to the basement.
Before they could shut off the water main I asked, “Can you wait just a second? I’ll have to wash my hair, I have an appointment soon.”
Then the phone rang. I answered it with water streaming down my neck. “We have Jake,” said the vet clinic.
Running a quick comb through my wet hair, I headed out the door with a strong leash in hand.
Arriving at the clinic, I heard Jake.
“How did you find him?” I asked the gal at the desk.
“Jake was standing outside the back door,” she said. “So when we came in we grabbed him.”
Jake looked sheepishly at me with his head bowed and we headed home.
On the way back home I ran into my next door neighbor, I pulled over, and she asked, “How’s your morning going?”
“Just another day in paradise,” I said.
Just another columnist trying out this new stuff.
Published: Minnesota Moments Magazine, Carver County Historical Society, Kansas City BBQ Society, Carver County News, and the National Barn Alliance.
Memberships: National Society of Newspaper Columnists, Toastmaster’s, Minnesota Newspaper Association, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop attendee.